Letter to Herman

As much as I cringe at the very sight of Herman C. I have to say that if “They” are out to get him, whoever or whatever “they” is, or are, you can insert any of the following. Democrats, Republicans, Black/Grey Panthers or Rastafarians. The gloves are off! Old Herman is made of an alloy that does not wilt, bend, break, or care that it looks like a maroon in front of the National Stage. When it comes to deflecting charges and/or criticism, this guy makes Reagan look like Kim Kardashian! Until now..

So it is time to break out the secret weapon! Roll out the big guns. The one thing that even the most ardent conservative to the right of Hitler must defend.. The holy grail of the South, the ultimate symbol of southern womanhood, The thou shall not gaze upon our goddess, you of dark skin, except by pain of death, the personification of Eve and Fay Raye.. The Blonde!

Letter to Herman Cain from “They”

“You done done it now Herman, you have tried to de-flower one of ours, too bad. your lack of discretion will cost you dearly. We could ignore the other three women and their charges because as long as they kept out of the light we assumed you were playing in your own “sandbox” if you know what I mean. We knew the charges had merit. After all, one woman, could be a misunderstanding but four? Herman, Herman, Herman.. covering your tracks is a prerequisite for any political office. We covered for you up till now because it served our purposes. We had every intention throwing you under the bus anyway (I mean two black guys running for President? Did you really think that was going to happen?) Come on admit it, you knew we weren’t serious, didn’t you? If you were, you sure had us fooled. You do have your faults, but we know delusion is not one of them. Well, calling Godfathers Pizza, that grease ball of bread dough, A great pizza, did give us pause, but hey, you were running the joint and making money so we gave you a pass. Herman, we had to see if you could pass this final test. Because if you, by some unfathomable chain of events became the nominee of your party, the women would really start throwing themselves at you and for a horndog like you turned out to be, that may cause problems in our march toward world domination. You failed, so now we must destroy you one way or the other. Don’t take this personally, Hermie. We kinda like you! You make us laugh! Your National Press Club appearance where you were singing spirituals in front of the cameras had us on the floor! (LOL) we were thinking about keeping you around for just for the Yuks. You may be a dupe and a fool but you do it so elegantly! We haven’t had this much fun since the Civil War! (Or as some of our members still persist in calling it “The War Between the States )” Go figure, even we illuminati have some disagreements.) However, all of this proclaiming your half innocence/half guiltyness is very tiresome now and your philandering will cost us the base; all of those losers who joined the KKK because they couldn’t land a pretty blonde. Much less grab one on the leg like you.

It’s been a great ride!


PS. Forget I said anything about that Illuminati part, as you know they don’t exist


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