Introspection has never been something that I have had a shortage of. I can tell you everything you need to know about navel contemplation. Me and introspection may not be lovers but we are surely good friends. Sometimes you have to wonder, Is it me? Is my brain misfiring?
I have written about how I had a really close friend. I mean we have known each other since High school. we were the best men at each other’s Wedding etc etc. He had his faults, like I do, but we were good lifelong friends. So what happened?
Let me try to explain, because to be truthful, we would still be friends if I did not pull the plug. that in of Itself was a reason enough to pull the plug. That I had to pull the plug and up to this moment I have no idea how he was affected by my actions. Now I do not want to give the impression that we are no longer speaking or anything of that order, No, we, or to be truthful again, I chose to stop being a party to what was really a one –sided relationship. I have reached a point in my life where I no longer can accept “fake” anything. I mean it. I only want the real thing or I would rather just go without. It’s not materialism by any means. this credo of mine is one that covers everything from Hot Dogs to Love.
I’m pragmatic about it; I know that when it comes to personal relationships you have to have some flux. So I know that I have to accept some coloring outside the lines. It’s just in this case the coloring was always outside the lines.
A few days ago I wrote that after weighing the pros against the cons of using Easy journal. I felt that it, despite its troubles was still a viable means for my journal and that I would be staying on. In other words, while it is a hassle at times, it was not so bad that I would go and change just because I could. ( As you can see I have since stopped that “relationship” as well and have moved here to WordPress”)That was how our friendship was; the good was outweighing the bad. So when you ask me what happened to the friendship, all I can say is that good no longer outweighed the bad (or evened it out for that matter?)
But the real point of this is how introspection is something that is always making you reconsider your stand, as stated above “maybe I’m the chance of rain” Has maturity made me less tolerant or more selective? I’m sure I made the right decision but should I mourn or rejoice the sinner or saint I’ve become?
Could I be less pure because I refuse to accept anything less than pure? I think that in any relationship you have to have an respect or even a reverence to what you have built. Something that does not have to be “fed” all of the time. but that does not mean It’s Never fed or watered
To be Continued…. because I’m not there yet